We begin our classroom with a questionnaire that was invented by some dude named Bernard Pivot …
What is your favorite word?
prevaricate
What is your least favorite word?
mischievious
What turns you on?
progress
What turns you off?
Bernard Pivot
What sound or noise do you love?
silence
What sound or noise do you hate?
anything loud
What is your favorite curse word?
!*%?#
What profession, other than yours, would you like to attempt?
sound engineer
What profession would you not like to participate in?
Chinese food menu deliverer
Who’s your favorite actress?
Anna Kendrick and Mandy Moore
That’s two. What newsworthy person would you most like to meet?
Michelle Obama or Amanda Knox
Are your TV and film credits real or are they made up?
They’re real. If I’d made them up, they’d be way more impressive.
Do you think Oswald acted alone?
Does anyone?
I think you’re cute, and I’d like to date you. Are you available?
Depends on how cute you are. I mean, no.
Do you believe in life after love?
I can feel something inside me say I really don’t think you’re strong enough. No.
Are these questions really frequently asked or did you make them up and then answer them yourself?
Actually, I wrote the questions and someone else answered them.
Can I borrow ten dollars?
No.
Finally, if heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
“Thank me you made it.”
For real answers to real questions, hit me up.